Proverbs
17 reminds me of the list of necessary
qualities for a spouse that I
developed long before I found Mrs. Right. Sadly, I learned them
through trial and error. This chapter is full of warnings about the
types of people to avoid in marriage, and key attributes to uncover
while dating. For the third time he repeats this important point,
“Better a
dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with
strife“. Simply put,
if there is constant quarreling before marriage, it will not get
better after marriage. A home without peace is just a house.
Quality number one: Peaceful
Heart. Solomon has a word for
the parents of a “disgraceful
son“; “share
the inheritance as one of the family“.
We must be on guard against allowing stupid things to destroy
communication with our wayward kids. We really do not fully know what
is going on in other people’s lives, but he explains, “The
Lord tests the heart“.
The Holy Spirit of God leads the rebellious to repentance. My job is
to forgive as I have been forgiven. Next Solomon inserts another
relationship killer. “A
wicked person listens to deceitful lips; a liar pays attention to a
destructive tongue“.
People overlook deception in relationships for lots of bad reasons.
Solomon is saying, if she lies to you now, she will continue lying to
you and if you pretend otherwise, you are the knucklehead. Quality
number two: Honesty.
The right mate will help us see the world in a grander way. Solomon
adds, “Whoever
mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker“.
Quality number three: compassion.
“God loves
a cheerful giver” (2
Corinthians 9:7).
Solomon
next points out an important factor; in marriage, very often children
follow. “Children’s
children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their
children“. Minor
differences become deal-breakers when deciding how to bring up
children. A child raised with multiple faiths usually end up with
none, ‘Eloquent
lips are unsuited to a godless fool‘.
Quality four: Agreement on
faith. Insecurity can lead to
instability in relationships. Solomon teaches, “Whoever
would foster love covers over an offense, but
whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends“.
Be careful of anyone that tries to ruin your friendships. Quality
five: Thoughtfulness.
He also warns against one who holds grudges, “one
who pays
back
evil for good“.
Quality six: Forgiving.
What do we do if our date aint great? “Drop
the matter before a dispute breaks out“.
Still not convinced?
Solomon
emphasizes another important point, to determine if someone is the
best choice for you, “A
friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of
adversity“. Quality
seven: True friend.
He says again, “Whoever
loves a quarrel
loves
sin“. Do they lift you
up, or bring you down? Quality eight: Uplifting.
Do you find yourself laughing more? “A
cheerful heart is good medicine“.
Quality nine: Sense of Humor.
He notes that it is important that you are the twinkle in their eye,
“A fool’s
eyes wander to the ends of the earth“.
Quality ten: Faithfulness.
He adds, “A
foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother“.
Quality Eleven: Honors their
Parents. Ask yourself; are
these qualities visible in you? Maybe you are already married? The
book of Ephesians is full of hope and unity, no matter what your
current situation. The apostle Paul offers this, “I
pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power
through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in
your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and
established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s
holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love
of Christ” (Eph
3:16-17). Humility before God is the first and most important
quality. May you know the fullness of His joy!