Psalm
38 reminds me of the split second before an accident when you become
aware a collision is imminent. When I was 20 years old I was hit
from behind while riding a motorcycle. The car was speeding as I was
preparing to turn. I saw the headlights flash over the hill and
braced for impact. Here David describes a moment of recognition that
I believe everyone must have. It is the point that we experience the
realization that we have broken God’s heart. For some people this
happens early in life, others may experience it on their deathbed.
Some sadly will not see the headlights until judgment day.
David begins “O
Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger or discipline me in Your wrath“.
He has seen God striking down evil first-hand and he is terrified,
“Because
of Your wrath there is no health in my body; my bones have no
soundness because of my sin“.
He does not claim innocence, or even ignorance; he knows he is
completely guilty. “My
guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear… I am
feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart“.
He knows there is nothing hidden from God, “All
my longings lie open before You, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden
from You“.
He describes the feeling of being completely exposed, “My
heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my
eyes“.
At this point each of us has a choice about how we will react. We
can throw ourselves on God’s mercy, or defend our actions and
overall worthiness. Don’t be deceived, according to Ecclesiastes
7:20 “There
is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never
sins“.
Whenever
David speaks about the sin in his life, people assume he is referring
to the “big one”. While David was a man after God’s own heart,
he also experienced moral failure. Everyone points to his decision
to take another man’s wife and cover it up by sending that man to
certain death in battle. His sin with Bathsheba is well documented
and discussed. But I often wonder if David’s biggest regret is
known only by him and God. I have done many things I am not proud
of, but God reached my hardened heart through an innocent face from
my youth. Matthew
18:32 relates a parable about a man that was forgiven much, but did
not extend that same forgiveness to one that owed him little. The
king said to him, “I
canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t
you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?“.
Have you been forgiven much?
David
describes the feeling of standing before God with every sin exposed,
“I
am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his
mouth“.
It is impossible to offer any defense or explanation when God knows
every thought and every intention. David is left with one option, “I
wait for You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God“.
David does not ignore the reality of his life. He cannot disregard
the physical needs of the people that depend on him or the enemies of
Israel that seek his destruction. His prayer deals with both. He
begins, “Do
not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips“.
But he quickly adds, “I
confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin“.
The psalm ends with a transition from bracing for impact to looking
to God with hope. His trust is in God’s mercy and God’s desire
to forgive and restore. “O
Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God.
Come
quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.”
Here is the good news for those of us that have seen our sin through
the eyes of God’s perfection, “God
demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still
sinners, Christ died for us”
(Romans 5:8). You can brace for impact, or look to God with hope.
You decide.